Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 49417 times)

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #225 on: December 14, 2017, 03:17:57 am »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #226 on: December 14, 2017, 03:22:31 am »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #227 on: December 18, 2017, 06:18:54 pm »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #228 on: December 20, 2017, 10:34:18 am »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #229 on: December 24, 2017, 07:43:26 am »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #230 on: December 24, 2017, 07:44:13 am »
A woman had two dogs that she hadn’t had fixed, but always kept them from mating. One night she wakes up at 2 AM to this terrible howling.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and is unable to separate them.

She called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.

“Just worked for me,” he replied.
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #231 on: December 24, 2017, 03:46:55 pm »


NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #232 on: December 24, 2017, 04:17:16 pm »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

MamaLiberty

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #233 on: December 25, 2017, 06:46:50 am »
Oh look! The silly control freak who thinks he talks for God is just another pedo....
I will not knowingly initiate force. I am a self owner.

The desire/compulsion to control the lives and property of others is the ROOT of all evil.

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #234 on: December 31, 2017, 12:24:43 pm »
An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice.
The old fellow was crabby and exacting. “Don’t ask me a lot of questions,” he told the boy. “Just do whatever I tell you to do.”

One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. “Get the hammer over there,” he said. “When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard.”

Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #235 on: January 03, 2018, 02:22:40 pm »
Did you hear about this, Mama?


NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

MamaLiberty

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #236 on: January 04, 2018, 02:06:14 am »
Did you hear about this, Mama?

I seem to remember that, but am not sure. Alcoholics can come up with the strangest things. :)
I will not knowingly initiate force. I am a self owner.

The desire/compulsion to control the lives and property of others is the ROOT of all evil.

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #237 on: January 04, 2018, 09:34:11 am »
One day Paddy goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist, and says “Could you taste this for me, please?”

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

“Does that taste sweet to you?” says Paddy.

“No, not at all,” says the chemist.

“Oh that’s a relief,” says Paddy. “The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #238 on: January 10, 2018, 02:11:45 pm »
A marriage broker goes to see Mr. Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years.
“Mr Cohen, don’t let it get too late. I have exactly the woman you need. You only have to say the word and you’ll meet and be married in no time!” says the marriage broker.

“Don’t bother,” replies Mr. Cohen, “I’ve two sisters at home, who look after all my needs….I am happy with that arrangement.”

“That’s all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife.”

“I said ‘two sisters’…. I didn’t say they were mine!”

 
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

  • Brilliantly Foolish
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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #239 on: January 12, 2018, 02:31:46 pm »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Cryptocurrency eventually returns to its intrinsic value--- zero." Me
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me