Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 32841 times)

MamaLiberty

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #165 on: September 29, 2017, 12:21:11 pm »
ELEPHANT STEW   
1 elephant
2 rabbits, optional
Salt and pepper

Cut elephant in small bite size pieces (takes about 2 months). Add enough brown gravy to cover. Simmer on kerosene Stove for about 4 weeks.

Yields approximately 3800 servings, if more are expected the 2 rabbits may be added. This should be done only if absolutely necessary because most people do not like to find hares in their stew.
I will not knowingly initiate force. I am a self owner.

Let the record show that I did not consent to be governed. I did not consent to any constitution. I did not consent to any president. I did not consent to any law. I did not consent to the police. Nor any tax. Nor any prohibition of anything. Nor any regulation or licensing of any kind.

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #166 on: September 29, 2017, 01:26:35 pm »
ELEPHANT STEW   
1 elephant
2 rabbits, optional
Salt and pepper

Cut elephant in small bite size pieces (takes about 2 months). Add enough brown gravy to cover. Simmer on kerosene Stove for about 4 weeks.

Yields approximately 3800 servings, if more are expected the 2 rabbits may be added. This should be done only if absolutely necessary because most people do not like to find hares in their stew.
I'd like to see the pot! It must be HUGE!!! ;D
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #167 on: September 29, 2017, 01:34:08 pm »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

MamaLiberty

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #168 on: September 29, 2017, 01:38:58 pm »
ELEPHANT STEW   
1 elephant
2 rabbits, optional
Salt and pepper

Cut elephant in small bite size pieces (takes about 2 months). Add enough brown gravy to cover. Simmer on kerosene Stove for about 4 weeks.

Yields approximately 3800 servings, if more are expected the 2 rabbits may be added. This should be done only if absolutely necessary because most people do not like to find hares in their stew.
I'd like to see the pot! It must be HUGE!!! ;D

Not to mention the size of the kerosene stove... :)
I will not knowingly initiate force. I am a self owner.

Let the record show that I did not consent to be governed. I did not consent to any constitution. I did not consent to any president. I did not consent to any law. I did not consent to the police. Nor any tax. Nor any prohibition of anything. Nor any regulation or licensing of any kind.

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #169 on: October 02, 2017, 03:09:51 am »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #170 on: October 03, 2017, 03:02:30 am »
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.


The plot thickens.

 
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #171 on: October 05, 2017, 02:20:49 pm »
This is SO funny. ;D

National anthems with improper English subtitles-

Video- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMjVB9ktJpc
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #172 on: October 10, 2017, 01:08:43 pm »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #173 on: October 11, 2017, 03:12:08 am »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #174 on: October 12, 2017, 05:17:59 pm »


Aww.....This really sucks. There's nobody to sexually harass here. Dang it!


EDIT- I thought of another one

Weinstein's first day of sex addiction rehab. If you're fugly and you know it clap your hands!

CURED!
« Last Edit: October 12, 2017, 05:29:56 pm by DiabolusDementis »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #175 on: October 13, 2017, 03:09:43 am »
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.
“Not yet,” said the little boy.

His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

“How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.

“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so, for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he’s walking into the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, “Are you going to tell him, or should I?”
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

MamaLiberty

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #176 on: October 13, 2017, 06:42:50 am »
Groan... :)
I will not knowingly initiate force. I am a self owner.

Let the record show that I did not consent to be governed. I did not consent to any constitution. I did not consent to any president. I did not consent to any law. I did not consent to the police. Nor any tax. Nor any prohibition of anything. Nor any regulation or licensing of any kind.

phaed

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #177 on: October 13, 2017, 12:38:37 pm »
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.
“Not yet,” said the little boy.

His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

“How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.



“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so, for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he’s walking into the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, “Are you going to tell him, or should I?”

lol

i like all your stuff here DD, even if i don't respond to them
« Last Edit: October 14, 2017, 06:21:32 pm by phaed »
[3.205x10^(-11)]%'er

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #178 on: October 14, 2017, 06:32:21 am »
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me

DiabolusDementis

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #179 on: October 15, 2017, 09:16:39 am »

lol

i like all your stuff here DD, even if i don't respond to them
Thanks. With all the doom and gloom around, it's important to remember to laugh.  ;)
NON VI VIRTUTE VICI
Measure twice, cut once.
perita manus mens exculta
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value --- zero." Voltaire (1694-1778)
"In times of universal deceit, speaking the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time." - H. L. Mencken
"How is it, that the government can tax future generations today, but it is not considered taxation without representation?" - me